Friday, June 27, 2014

Patriots' Résumé: Tom Brady

Dear Coach Belichick,

I am enclosing my résumé as a good will gesture out of respect for your position as coach of the New England Patriots - and also an artist's rendering suitable for framing - though you certainly don't need to see either as we have been through much together and are both a constant presence around the complex, and since I am the undisputed leader of this team, I feel it my duty to submit my résumé first to set a good example.

In my fourteen years working for you, we have experienced just about everything that one can in the game of football.  We have been to the zenith together and we have been to the nadir - as it were - winning five AFC Championships and three Super Bowls, but also losing three AFC Title Games and two World Championships.

We know what it feels like to walk off the field of battle in victory and also in defeat, though there are many more of the former than there are of the latter.

I realize that father time is starting to catch up with me, but that filthy bastard can't have me yet, as I wish to play well into my forties - and I know you well enough to know that you will let me know when it's my time to hang up my cleats.

I don't believe that will be this year, nor the following year, nor the year after that.  I take great care of myself and my diet of nuts and berries is more fit for a bear than for a quarterback in the National Football League, but being a body nazi has served me well.

And I'm not in it for the money, as me and my ridiculously hot Supermodel wife have more money than God - rather, I play the game because I love it.  I am a harsh task-master at times because my love of the game dictates that both me and my teammates will strive to be perfect - and anything less is unacceptable.

That sounds like a cat poster, but it's true.




Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr.
Professional Football Hall of Fame
Canton, Ohio 44702

Career focus:

To win a fourth Lombardi Trophy, and then a fifth.


University of Michigan, Class of 1999, Bachelor's degree in Organizational Studies

Professional Experience:

April 2000 - Present, New England Patriots (Selected in the 6th round of the NFL Draft)

Awards & Honors: 
  • Two-time NFL Most Valuable Player (2007, 2010)
  • Nine-time Pro Bowl Selection
  • Two-time NFL First Team All Pro, one time Second Team All Pro
  • Five-time AFC Champion
  • Three-time World Champion
  • Two-time Super Bowl Most Valuable Player
Career Statistics:
  • 148-43 Regular Season record
  • 4,178 completions on 6586 attempts (63.4%)
  • 49,149 passing yards (nearly 10 miles)
  • 359 Touchdown throws vs 135 interceptions
  • Quarterback rating of 95.7
  • 18-8 Playoff Record
  • 580 Completions on 950 attempts (61.1%)
  • 6,424 passing yards
  • 43 Touchdown throws vs 22 interceptions
  • Quarterback rating of 87.3

No comments:

Post a Comment