Friday, January 19, 2018

Brady Good To Go For Title Tilt, But Patriots Are Well-Covered Just In Case

"Look at your thumb, that wondrous mechanism that separates us from other animals - the world-famous opposable thumb, that amazing device that has transported more students to college than the Boston post road, ideal for sucking, especially as a baby, and lauded in song and story as the perfect instrument for pulling out a plum...
...or in the case of the Caesers, for holding it down for the gladiator to die, or holding it up, which means 'see you later at the orgy.' My friends, for getting up and down the pike, in your pie, in your eye, I give you the thumb." - Hawkeye Pierce, M*A*S*H, season 4, episode 19

There hasn't been this much fuss over a thumb since Little Jack Horner stuck his in a Christmas pie...

Well, maybe that's pushing the envelope a bit, especially considering Hawkeye Pierce's thumb rant above, but when word broke that New England Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady suffered an
Hoyer (7) and Brady have remained close
undisclosed hand injury, the internet nearly broke under the weight of the sky over Massachusetts falling.

The secrecy surrounding the injury promoted a plethora of speculation, with the doomsayers taking the word of some quack in San Diego who claimed that Brady's injury could only be a dislocation of the thumb that was so pronounced that it exposed the bone, while the more conservative crowd looked to two possible scenarios.

First, that Brady would find a way to play in Sunday's AFC Championship Game even if he had to sell his soul to Old Scratch or, second, that the entire debacle was a sham created by head ball coach Bill Belichick to troll his foes, the Jacksonville Jaguars, into preparing for the Patriots' "Plan B", the "B" in this case belonging to backup quarterback Brian Hoyer.

Now, Hoyer has enjoyed some success in the league since departing the Patriots via free agency in 2012, going 16-21 as a starter for a variety of pretty bad teams, gaining most of his starting experience and a winning record with the Cleveland Browns, of all teams, and then with the Houston Texans before bottoming out with first the Bears and then the 49ers.

He went 10-6 with the Browns over two seasons, handing off to a washed up Willis McGahee and throwing to the likes of pre-suspension rookie Josh Gordon and tight end Jordan Cameron, both of whom made the Pro Bowl in 2013 with Hoyer under center but both folded in 2014 as Hoyer was forced to hold off Johnny Manziel while throwing to Taylor Gabriel and Andrew Hawkins...

...and all while trying to learn new systems under two different head coaches. In fact, in his five-year mission to explore strange new worlds, Hoyer had to learn a new offensive system in each - so the prospect of starting a game in Foxborough in a system that he knows by heart with an obscene number of potential targets to get the ball to probably doesn't sound too bad in Hoyer's world right about now.

And it shouldn't sound too bad in our world either.

Hoyer isn't Brady, but he's not Manziel, Brandon Weeden, Jason Campbell, John Skelton, Kevin Kolb, Ryan Mallett, T.J. Yates, Jay Cutler or C. J. Beathard either, all signal callers whom Hoyer replaced and performed better than - that is until a guy named Jimmy Garoppolo arrived in San Francisco and precipitated Hoyer's release.

Hoyer was supposed to be part of the trade when the Patriots sent Jimmy Clipboard to the 49ers, but some mention of compensatory draft picks prevented that portion of the deal to go through, so the 'Niners released Hoyer so the Patriots could pick him up.

That should tell everyone how Hoyer is viewed in the locker room and how much confidence the coaching staff has in him.

But, alas, that darned Brady seems to be good to go for the title game, as it has been revealed that the savior is dealing with a few stitches to a knuckle on his throwing hand - or maybe to his index finger, as another report has leaked since I started this thing - but whatever it is, it doesn't sound as if it's nearly as bad as the internet doc in San Diego first had us believing.

But even if Brady couldn't make a go of it, the Patriots have his position covered pretty well.

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